October 4th, 2011
Each year in the days leading up to the anniversary of Lisa’s
departure for heaven, I can’t help but go back in my mind to every event and
detail of those days. It’s a painful process each year. The “what ifs” come
rushing in and threaten to drown me if it were not for my determination to
focus on the reality of God’s promises and His precious presence that cradles
my heart and mind.
Today , five years ago, none of us knew what she was going
through. We assumed that she went to work at her volunteer job that she loved, despite
not feeling well. Later that day, I phoned to see how she was doing. No answer.
I must have called her dozens of times and still no answer. I wondered and
wondered where she could be and at the same time, I said to myself, “come on
Ruth, if she wanted you to know, she’d have called you, stop being an over
protective Mom” I felt torn , concerned , wanting to go to her apartment, and
yet holding back because perhaps I was over reacting. As I was going to bed
that night, I prayed “Lord , Please take care of her wherever she is.” ( Little
did I know then that she was already with Him safe and sound)
Now that we know what happened it is with a type of vigilance
that I spend this day, counting the hours til I know the approximate moment of
her departure took place. It is so hard, knowing that she lay unconscious on
her apartment floor all day alone until about 9 -10 pm that evening. We didn't know until the next morning that she was gone.
This morning I was reading Morning by Morning by Spurgeon
and the Lord touched my heart with His healing hand with this:
“The Lord's people shall also enjoy light in the hour of
death. Unbelief laments; the shadows fall, the night is coming, existence
is ending. Ah no, crieth faith, the night is far spent, the true day is at
hand. Light is come, the light of immortality, the light of a Father's
countenance. Gather up thy feet in the bed, see the waiting bands of spirits!
Angels waft thee away. Farewell, beloved one, thou art gone, thou wavest thine
hand. Ah, now it is light. The pearly gates are open, the golden streets shine
in the jasper light. We cover our eyes, but thou beholdest the unseen; adieu,
Lisa, thou hast light at even-tide, such as we have not yet.”
God be praised for
meeting us in the depths of pain and filling us with His comfort which is
sweeter than anything I have ever known.
“At evening time , it shall be light.” Zechariah
14: 7
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