Ever since our daughter Lisa died almost two and a half years ago I’ve had such a longing for Heaven, to be with her at God’s throne, singing and praising Him with jubilation. Some days the longing is stronger than other days. Grief is my constant companion whether you can see it or not. It is like the waves on the shore; sometimes gently lapping at the edge, and other times the storm is so strong that the crashing of the waves threatens to drown you. Sometimes it does feel like we have drowned and lost our bearings. Thankfully the Lord is faithful and carries us through the storms when they come. “We do not mourn as those who have no hope.” But we DO mourn and it’s a very long journey.
It’s still a physical pain in my chest when I allow my thoughts to go back to the day when the unimaginable happened. The loss has changed my view of this world and of our real home heaven.
Our experience has brought me in touch with other Christian Moms who also have lost a son or daughter through sickness, accidents, execution, and even brutal murder. In every case I hear them saying I want to go home, they are yearning for heaven. The tie to our children is so strong, it’s extremely difficult to let go It’s what makes Mom’s who they are. I was reading Spurgeon’s “Evening by Evening” last night and was comforted by what he wrote; (By the way I love reading his writings, he has such depth, honesty, compassion and always hope pointing to God and His love and mercy)
He writes:
A short stay on earth will make heaven more heavenly. Nothing makes rest so enjoyable as work; nothing renders security so pleasant as exposure to danger. The bitter cups of earth will give relish to the new wine that sparkles in the golden bowls of heaven. Our battered armor and scarred countenances will render more glorious our victory above, when we are welcomed to the seats of those who have overcome the world.
We would not have full fellowship with Christ if we did not sojourn for a while below, for He was baptized with a baptism of suffering among men and we must be baptized with the same if we would share His kingdom. Fellowship with Christ is so honourable that the sorest sorrow is a light price by which to procure it. Another reason for our lingering here is for the good of others. We would not wish to enter heaven until our work is done, and it may be that we still have a part to play shining as light in the dark wilderness of sin. Our prolonged stay here is doubtless for God’s glory.
A tested saint, like a well cut diamond, glitters much in the King’s crown. Nothing reflects so much honor on a workman as a protracted and severe trial of his work and his triumphant endurance of the ordeal without giving in or giving up.
We are God’s workmanship, and He will be glorified by our afflictions. It is for the honor of Jesus that we endure the trial of our faith with sacred joy. Let each man surrender his own longings to the glory of Jesus and declare: “ If my lying in the dust would elevate my Lord by so much as an inch, let me still lie among the pots of earth. If to live on earth forever would make my Lord more glorius, it should be my heaven to be shut out of heaven.”
Our time is fixed and settled by eternal decree. Let us not be anxious about it, but wait with patience until the gates of pearl shall open.
So is it wrong to long for home? No I don’t think so. It’s quite the opposite, but we must be patient and serve Him wholeheartedly until He calls us home. Even in grief we can serve and honor Him because of His precious gift of salvation without which we have no hope at all.
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