My night , Her Morning

October 4^th, 2011

Each year in the days leading up to the anniversary of Lisa’s departure for heaven, I can’t help but go back in my mind to every event and detail of those days. It’s a painful process each year. The “what ifs” come rushing in and threaten to drown me if it were not for my determination to focus on the reality of God’s promises and His precious presence that cradles my heart and mind.

Today , five years ago, none of us knew what she was going through. We assumed that she went to work at her volunteer job that she loved, despite not feeling well. Later that day, I phoned to see how she was doing. No answer. I must have called her dozens of times and still no answer. I wondered and wondered where she could be and at the same time, I said to myself, “come on Ruth, if she wanted you to know, she’d have called you, stop being an over protective Mom” I felt torn , concerned , wanting to go to her apartment, and yet holding back because perhaps I was over reacting. As I was going to bed that night, I prayed “Lord , Please take care of her wherever she is.” ( Little did I know then that she was already with Him safe and sound)

Now that we know what happened it is with a type of vigilance that I spend this day, counting the hours til I know the approximate moment of her departure took place. It is so hard, knowing that she lay unconscious on her apartment floor all day alone until about 9 -10 pm that evening. We didn't know until the next morning that she was gone.

This morning I was reading Morning by Morning by Spurgeon and the Lord touched my heart with His healing hand with this:

“The Lord's people shall also enjoy light in the hour of death. Unbelief laments; the shadows fall, the night is coming, existence is ending. Ah no, crieth faith, the night is far spent, the true day is at hand. Light is come, the light of immortality, the light of a Father's countenance. Gather up thy feet in the bed, see the waiting bands of spirits! Angels waft thee away. Farewell, beloved one, thou art gone, thou wavest thine hand. Ah, now it is light. The pearly gates are open, the golden streets shine in the jasper light. We cover our eyes, but thou beholdest the unseen; adieu, Lisa, thou hast light at even-tide, such as we have not yet.”

 God be praised for meeting us in the depths of pain and filling us with His comfort which is sweeter than anything I have ever known.

“At evening time , it shall be light.” Zechariah 14: 7

" God is so good" is an Understatement

Three years ago today, it was a gorgeous Fall Sunday morning at the cabin at gull Lake. We were all together, slowly waking up sitting on the deck in the morning sunshine. .
Our son, Mike and daughter Lisa made breakfast for all of us. Mike made his special version of scrambled eggs and Lisa cooked the bacon. The aroma of brewed coffee was in the air. It was a wonderful breakfast and memorable. The atmosphere of contentment and warmth filled the morning..
After breakfast Ted told me when he woke this scripture verse played over and over in his thoughts. “This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.”
He looked it up on his Bible program on his laptop, to see where it was. It was Psalm 118:24. He said it was very unusual; he’d never woken up like that before with such a strong clear scripture verse running through his thoughts. It made such an impression on him.

Ted wanted to go golfing one more time before we headed home later that day. He didn’t want to play alone so I joined him, and we played a par three nine-hole course. It turned out we shouldn’t have bothered, things were somehow going from bad to worse on the course, our game was that bad. We were glad to get back to the cabin. It was almost lunchtime and the guys had to get a fire going so we could have hamburgers for lunch.

We sat around the fire chatting and visiting while we waited for it to be ready to cook over. Ted told everyone about the Bible verse he awoke with. and how it really was appropriate for the wonderful day and time we’d had together. Lisa and I started singing the song, which we’d sung so often.
This is the day; This is the day, that the Lord has made
We will rejoice, we will rejoice and be glad in it………
It was getting time to start packing up for the trip home. We commiserated with each other that we hated for our weekend to be over. It was so wonderful to spend time together as a family, which we hadn’t done for quite some time..
We said our goodbyes and headed home in our vehicles.
We drove Lisa home and Ted unloaded her suitcase. I stayed in the car with the dogs, and I had this urge to turn around and really look at Lisa’s face. She was genuinely smiling and looking so content. It was the happiest I’d seen her in many years.
I was so pleased to see this wonderful, peaceful, contented look on Lisa’s face.
It was the last time we saw her and I am so glad for that memory.
Four days later we realized the importance of the Scripture God gave to Ted that morning.
“This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it “
The Lord, Our God gave us that special weekend together because He was going to take Lisa home to be with Him. That’s why we were to savor that day three years ago today.
He had ordained it to be our last day with Lisa. This is so precious and comforting to us how He made Himself so real to us that weekend. “God is so good” is an understatement. Although it still hurts so much missing Lisa, knowing how much God cares for us is no small comfort. Knowing she is resting in the Father’s embrace soothes our aching hearts.

Our Standing in Christ

I have to admit that I have a tendency to get depressed about things, and get focused on my weaknesses, sinfulness, and regrets and the loss of our daughter. It's a battle sometimes to force myself through the fog to reach out to God, hear the truth and focus on Him and what He says about me. I'm sure there are others who struggle with the same thing.

I forced myself to pick up my devotional book this morning and to my amazement my present predicament was addressed so clearly.

Here is what I read, from Charles Spurgeon's Morning by Morning Based on Ephesians 1:6 although I would suggest reading from verse 3-14



What a state of privilege! It includes our justification before God, but the term "blessed" in the Greek means more that that. It signifies that we are objects of divine satisfaction, even of divine delight.

How marvelous that we - worms, mortals, sinners- should be made the objects of divine love!

But it is only "In the Beloved".

Some christians seem to be accpted in their own experience-at least that is their apprehension.

When their spirit is lively and their hopes are bright they think God accepts them , for they feelso high, so heavenly minded, so drawn above the earth. But when their souls cleave to dust, they are the victims of fear that they are no longer accepted. If they could only see that all their high joys do not exalt them, and all their low despondencies do not really depress them in their Father's sight, but that they stand accepted in One who never alters. This One is always the beloved of God, always perfect, always without spot or wrinkle, or any such thing. How much happier they woukld be and how mjuch more they wwwwwould honor the Savior if they could grasp Him! Rejoice then , believer, in this: You are blessed "In the Beloved"

You look within and say,"There is nothing acceptable here." But look at Christ and see if everything is not acceptable there. Your sins trouble you; but God has cast your sinsbehind his back, and you are accepted and blessed in the Righteous One. YOu have to fight with corruption and wrestle with temptaion but you are already accepted in Him who has overcome the powers of evil. The devil tempts you, but be of good cheer- he cannot destroy you, you are accepted in Him whohas broken Satan's head. Know by full assurance your glorious standing. Even glorified souls are no more accepted than you are. They are only blessed in heaven "in the Beloved" and you are even now blessed in Christ after the same manner.



What glorious freedom we have in Christ. I thank Him for truth that sets us free.
As C S Lewis says " " If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth.." How true.

There is a Hope

I found this song recently and the words really speak to my heart. I wanted to share them especially with the Mom's and Dad's that I know of who's hearts ache just like mine does. May the truth comfort us like a healing salve.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qyMWBx6vvJo

Here are the words:

THERE IS A HOPE
by Stuart Townend and Mark Edwards
Copyright (c) 2007 Thankyou Music.


There is a hope that burns within my heart,
That gives me strength for ev'ry passing day;
a glimpse of glory now revealed in meager part,
Yet drives all doubt away:
I stand in Christ, with sins forgiv'n;
and Christ in me, the hope of heav'n!
My highest calling and my deepest joy,
to make His will my home.


There is a hope that lifts my weary head,
A consolation strong against despair,
That when the world has plunged me in its deepest pit,
I find the Savior there!
Through present sufferings, future's fear,
He whispers, "Courage!" in my ear.
For I am safe in everlasting arms,
And they will lead me home.


There is a hope that stands the test of time,
That lifts my eyes beyond the beckoning grave,
To see the matchless beauty of a day divine
When I behold His face!
When sufferings cease and sorrows die,
and every longing satisfied,
then joy unspeakable will flood my soul,
For I am truly home.

Terry and Juanita Stauffer

I wanted to share a link to this interview given by Terry Stauffer, pastor of Edson Baptist church, Alberta. Terry and his wife Juanita lost their daughter Emily to murder last year. They have been on my heart ever since it happened. My heart aches every time I hear of another parent who has lost their child. I feel a common bond with them even if we don't know them. As Terry says, God Gives strength, amazing strength without which we could not go on.

You can read the interview here.

Garden of Life

Ted and I have just finished re- landscaping our front yard and my love of gardening has returned after a drought of interest. This reminded me of a poem I wrote over ten years ago of the paralells between gardening and life in general. I have shared this poem with many already over the years but thought it worth it to post it again.


My garden is my favorite place
To rest and work and watch things grow.
Life's troubles seem to fade away
As I water, feed and hoe.

Much care must go into this place.
Conditions change,and danger lurks.
To beautify each little space,
I prune and weed, mow and feed.

I try to take great care to see,
That flowers bloom on endlessly.
If only I had more control
Over frost and wind, hail and snow.

The storms will come, put on a show.
To tell me firmly, I'm not in control.
The flowers droop, tattered and torn,
My garden looks destroyed, forlorn.

And yet I love this garden so,
With a heavy sigh, I pick up and go
To clean up the mess that's left behind,
and once again, tend this garden of mine.

A constant vigil I must keep,
To keep things in balance and harmony.
And so it is with God and me:
My life is a garden with many a weed.

He tends to my needs so wonderfully.
He pinches and prunes and pulls my weeds.
Often I scream with anger and pain,
Later to find, He was right again.

As I go through the storms of life,
I may have bruises from the strife.
But, in the end, I am stronger still,
For He is with me, His love prevails.

I need to feed my garden of life,
In order to grow, I need water and light.
To him I must go to quench my thirst.
To light my path, I must heed His word.

Thank-you Lord, for giving me
A special place to learn from you,
Beside the flowers, birds and weeds,
Enduring all things,`til with you I'll be.